How to Survive Criticism as an Introverted Creative: A 3 Step Process for Rejection Sensitive Creators
Have you ever gotten feedback on your work that you just found...totally crushing? Did it make you not want to ever show your work to anyone again? Or at least make you super nervous the next time you did? Or worse, given your work to someone for feedback and what they didn't say was even more crushing than what they did say. If you're a highly sensitive person like me, you'll definitely get what that means!
This is a topic close to my heart because I know as a creative myself, I often crave feedback and criticism because I know it can make my work better. BUT, that doesn't always mean I'm ready to hear and process it in the most constructive way. And as an editor, I'm often in the position where I need to give hard feedback to sensitive-intuitive, often introverted writers who are just like me.
Whether you're getting your book edited or critiqued, your course or website beta tested or showing your latest work to your family, there will often be comments that hit deep - even though you asked for honesty!
So, I thought I'd share my thoughts on steeling yourself for criticism and critiques of your creative work and, by extension, yourself. Here is my three-step process for absorbing criticism that hurts to hear, without entering a self-destructive spiral that has your inner critic screaming 'I told you so!'
Don’t censor your emotional reaction
So often when we're criticised by people who we know are well-meaning, we tell ourselves that we shouldn't be upset because 'their heart was in the right place' or 'they were just trying to help'. Fuck that!
Just because someone means well, it doesn't mean your feelings of hurt are invalid. Especially if their choice of words was not the kindest. You can process their motives and how helpful their feedback is later. At first, just allow yourself to feel what you feel.
Now, of course, this is within reason. That self-destructive spiral I mentioned above is a place to be avoided if possible because I can't think of one time any kind of creative productivity or growth has come from self-loathing. But don't tell yourself that you should be feeling a certain way. Feel the feelings come up, observe them and then let them pass.
Say ‘Thank you.’
Thank the person for their thoughts and for taking the time to share them with you. Even if they've been unkind in their delivery, and especially if they've been thoughtful and taken a lot of pains to be as helpful as they can. This isn't you saying that you're going to implement everything that they've said or that you think it's necessarily true. But a little thank you goes a long way.
This will assuage any guilt you might pile on yourself about being ungrateful for their effort. But it can also be really freeing to kill em' with kindness if you know they were just trying to be an arse hole. All those who have ever worked in customer service know EXACTLY what I mean.
Seek objectivity
When you're feeling calmer, look at the criticism objectively. What can you learn from this and how can it help you improve? Always be kind to yourself, and try to detach from the situation a little bit. This will help with not taking things personally.
Consider the perspective of the person who has offered their criticism or feedback and how that has affected their view. Write down what you've learned to help you improve your future work. Even unkind words can trigger an inner realisation if you let it.
For example, have you ever done one of those group ice-breaker exercises where you write your name on a piece of paper and pass it around the group for everyone to write you a compliment? I've done too many. I don't remember all of them, but there's one in particular that I remember and I still have the paper to this day.
It was eleventh grade, just before I dropped out of high school, and it was passed around in meetup for those interested in entering student council. This one boy wrote 'Danikka is super smart, just a little too nice.' I remember being so confused when I read it.
I angrily asked him after, 'How can someone be too nice? What does that even mean!' He said, 'You're a pushover. Everyone just walks all over you.'
Can you imagine a more blunt delivery? My poor little sensitive heart just about shrivelled up. I thought the whole world saw me as just a doormat and that no one took me seriously. But now, very nearly 10 years later, I realise that was the only valuable thing written on that page. Because he saw something very clearly that I didn't—I had the brains to do whatever I wanted in life, but no grit to get any of it done.
Feedback is hard to take sometimes. And these three tips are great for overcoming the initial emotional turmoil that can accompany harsh criticism. But the one really important thing I want you to remember is this:
You can take all three of these steps and follow my process, but in the end, you will find that not all feedback you're going to get is going to be helpful or necessarily fit with your vision. But if you approach all of it as if it's going to be helpful, then you can examine any personal feelings that might be dismissive of hard feedback we don't want to hear but may need to.
Hey! I'm Danikka – editor, author mentor, and writer. I'm on a constant mission to break down the myth that there is any one ‘right’ way to be an author, to be creative, and to simply exist. If you're a creative like me looking for inspiring content that bridges the gap between the world of the editor and the world of the writer, between the brain of the audience and the marketer, come hang out with me on Instagram and sign up for my newsletter to get a quarterly, sometimes semi-monthly, download of writerly thoughts and editor’s advice. There’s no pretending here, what you read is what I believe. And I love to hear what you think as well.
